We are taking risks
In ways we havent before
Finding peace in the chaos
Making sense of the nonsensical

A little messy
Climbing broken trees through these valleys
Balancing the empty and all consuming dreams
that Spirit in us that won't give up without a fight

Learning to trust in the miss-steps
there is something deeper growing
Creating, designing without any rules
Risk giving where there may be no return
Knowing love is better that way

Trekking through the weeds and overlooked streams
Finding freedom in exploring the rough roads
In the darkest and brightest corners
Hope keeping us on our knees

Fulfilling Promises and Sowing Dresses

I have taken up a new hobby, one I never thought I could actually do. That wasn't originally for me, it was for these ladies high up in the mountains of Nicaragua...that I met a few months ago when I was visiting for a coffee origin trip.

When I was there, one evening the ladies of the community called a meeting with us. So my buddies and I went down to meet them and over 20 women were waiting for us. I was a little intimidated. As we began to talk with my broken spanish and Gaby's broken english, the ladies were asking us if we would teach them how to sow. How to sow dresses we had brought for their children that my friends had made. Let me tell you...I didn't know anything about sowing but I couldn't refuse them. They were so quiet and shy about it...and we weren't even sure they wanted us to do it! But we found out it was because they were skeptical that we would really return. They rarely have visitors where they live..its a four hour drive straight up into the mountains of Matagalpa. They didn't want to get their hopes up.

So I ripped out a piece of paper from my notebook and we wrote a letter together promising we would be back to do these projects. These families that I met have survived brutal civil war, many tropical storms that have ruined their homes and crops but have made the most out of little. I saw God in the middle of it all, their hope rising above the many trials. .

Everyday I look at the letter posted on my wall with eagerness to get back there....and until January, as each day comes, I am learning what it is to be faithful in the small things...I have been learning how to sow (just like me to make a promise to do something I have never done before- must be the dreamer in me) so when the big things come..these projects will have some home roots. We are also planning art projects, soccer practice and english lessons with the little kids that live on the farm and community

Fulfilling promises is challenging to my apathetic ways, ways in me that just want to serve myself, that put me in uncomfortable situations...but I have found that God has brought me so much richness in my life. I have no idea where this is all going to go..but that is the beauty in creating...that you lose and find yourself all at the same time. Trusting in something greater than yourself..trusting in the Master Creator...outside of time, limits, who fulfills his promises to no end...full of infinite love and wisdom.

'california stops' and a lot of grace

I'll admit it. I blow through stop signs early in the morning and by the end of the day I am so sick of them I 'california stop' them all. I text and drive but rarely speed. You can ask any of my good friends and they will tell you I am a certified grandma driver... and I'll argue it's the Hawaii in me. Yesterday it all came to a halt when an officer pulled up right next to me on the highway while I was texting a friend. I looked over and he straight up gave me a non-verbal lecture and pointed at me to keep my focus on the road ahead. I was shocked for two reasons: that he did not pull me over and give me a ticket and that I had finally gotten caught in all my mischievousness. To tell you the truth I should have been pulled over later that day too for speeding. A bike cop pulled up next to me and just kept going. I don't really understand why I did not get it good from them. Let's just say I was seriously humbled..and that grace has grabbed me away from my growing carelessness.

I have been surprised lately a lot by people. Knowing that even my best friends will disappoint me and I them, just as strangers will surprise me with unexpected grace. I sometimes struggle giving grace to those closest to me...when they have screwed up or let me down. When I feel hurt and want to shut down. But that is the beauty in relationships...that God has forgiven us of debts we could never repay by sacrificing his Son so we could be close to him...that in the closest ones we practice giving grace to eachother so when those random moments arise, when someone is needing redemption, you know the depthness of how important it is to forgive and chose love. That sanctification is a process of working out our relationships with others, God, and even ourselves. You cannot love God without loving your brothers. They go hand in hand. 'For anyone who does not love his brother, whom he has seen, cannot love God, whom he has seen' (1John 4:20). Life is about learning how to love as God does and living out the grace he gives us to others everyday.

This is my prayer lately...that I would know the depth of God's grace towards me and that I can extend it to others. That the Spirit would continue to change me and that I would keep growing in humbleness. 

That God's love in me through Jesus would give me freedom that I could never find in rebellion. The rebellion that chases away the good that is growing.

So I am taking each day as it comes and spending less time on my phone and focusing on the people around me. It's so easy to always be accessible. Make yourself unavailable sometimes...let silence move you, feel that loneliness and spend that time with your Maker. The texts can wait...life is a series of moments...and the present is all you have..and I don't to be wasting them on my phone.

Caring for the poor and torrential downpours

love, neighbor, God, Israel, coffee, Central America, death, Tropical Storms, rain, Hurricane, hope

This evening after working a long day, I sat down to drink a cup of tea. I was reading 'The History of Christianity' (Nystrom) about how the Israelites were commanded by God to care for the poor and the oppressed, to not covet the possessions of their neighbors and to love others as they sought to be loved. We all know as the famous commandment reads "you shall love your neighbor as yourself."

Over and over again I see a heartstring of God, in the Tanakh (the Old Testament) of caring for the poor,the widows, the fatherless and defending them. There are countless verses of God defending the poor and the weak and He wanted His people to do the same. See...these were commands God gave Israel. Not suggestions. To love God and your neighbor. It was expected and this carries over into our lives today. Even in the early church, there were virtually no poor people where there were Christians in pockets in Rome (Josephus). They knew Christ and His heartbeat for the poor...were those who knew their need for God.

We have God's spirit living in us. His movement of love in us and we must not ignore the poor around us. Be so generous that we love others as much as we love ourselves. But do we? Easier said than done. But I believe in the power of choice and that everyday as it comes we have the power to live more fully this way because of God in us. His power in us making our imperfections less when in the light of his goodness and strength.

I was sitting thinking over all this when I glanced at my emails and saw one from my friends and coffee partners , Henry Hueck of Ramacafe, from Nicaragua. That they have had over 10 days of torrential rain that has caused damaging effects all across Central America. There have been 5 tropical storms and 2 hurricanes from Mexico down to C. America that have killed over a hundred people and have displaced over 2 million people. 10 percent of El Salvador is currently under water. Some of these countries are ranked some of the poorest in the western hemisphere and have been hit hard by these storms. Over 1million bags of coffee (at approx. 150lbs each) has been compromised or damaged from this past years crop (Maja Wallengren, Coffeenetwork.com)....meaning many families will not be reaping the benefits of this past year's harvest and yearlong labor. Farmers and whole communities depend on these crops and will need to depend even more on God to take care of them.
I am reminded of their tremendous faith in God to take care of their daily needs when I don't think twice about relying on God for water...food...a warm bed..They have radical faith that I crave and long for as I learn to rely on God to take care of my needs while helping the needs of others.

How can I help sitting here in my comfy room in Norcal...write..spread the news and use resources God has given me to help these friends of mine. I am still brainstorming how I can help but know that it is a commandment to help the poor...that this is something close to God's heart...that beats loudly in mine. That I cannot ignore. I printed some pictures from my recent trip to Nicaragua to post in my Family's coffee house to raise awareness and spread some love down to C.America. I hate asking people for money so we will see how people respond and if they want to give..then so be it and we will have some info and a jar for donations. What has happened in C. America is going to have some long term effects and they are only beginning.

I have to believe and remember the God of the Old Testament..My God who cares deeply for the weak, the defenseless, the poor, the fatherless.

Never Stop Exploring

I have been at a crossroads for some time now. Have built my life in two places each with its own mazes. Each with its own opportunities and people I love, each a place where God is at work. I was reluctant to put myself in a position where I might not succeed, letting fear hinder me from making a move. I realized that at some point you have to take a risk especially if it is in the direction of your dreams...and if you decide that it is..then not even failure can stop you from doing something you were made to do.

As Winter storms had continued to thwart spring around here, so had my plans to get out of here. I delayed my search for the 'right timing' (which never seems to come) and started to see where God was moving and wanted to be part of what He was doing in my community again. I met some beautiful ladies who started a sowing ministry that connects people here and overseas. A new beginning was around the corner in a place that continually surprises me because God is surprising. And more and more He shows me how mysterious He is to my thinking. I started to really believe and live that God is faithful, deep in the midst of my struggle to find purpose here in suburbia. Now those seeds I have been planting have started to grow when I failed to water them in the storms, when Spring was hiding down below. I know that God is the only one to make them grow. I am taking a risk with staying in this place I have failed to thrive, stuck on my past life. But that is the beauty of trusting beyond your own ability.

Living on the edge of trusting leaves you vulnerable and open to failure and will completely disrupt your ordinary self-ability focused life. For me it is living in such a way that I absolutely cannot survive on my own. That I need help from the outside. Knowing that I am a broken person without God's love filling me up inside. Without people pouring themselves into my life and me in return. Without the vulnerability of true community. We have to decide if Jesus is worth the risk, and lose this halfhearted, non-committal plague of my generation, a plague in my own heart. Because He is worth all the risk and is good. But much richer than our kind of good. When I have resolved that I might fail, Here Jesus comes raising up my weakness like a flower springing up from the dust.

Lately I have met people who are world changers in my community using their talents and abilities to grow the kingdom of God here and globally. It has encouraged me with projects I am beginning. Helping bridge gaps from grower to producer to consumer. Creating more socially conscious buyers and empowering people in my local suburban area and coffee growing communities in Central America...Its all still coming together as a bunch of us are combining our talents and working together with Coffee-Sowing-Women-Poverty.

Friends. Never Stop Exploring. Even if you live in the community you grew up in. There are surprises round every corner